Getting on My Soapbox

Okay, I’m going to step on some toes here, I’m sure. But I’ve been married for almost three years and I get questions and comments about how happy we are all the time. People tell me we’re like newlyweds still and that they’re jealous of our relationship. Most of the time it’s,

"How do you make it work for that long?"
“Don’t you ever fight? “
And the biggie, “How do I find a relationship like that?”

And this isn’t just my single girlfriends. My hubby’s friends all want to know too. They want what we have, but don’t see what theyre doing wrong.

To these questions, I say…

Do I believe in 2nd chances?
Sure… everyone makes mistakes.

Do I believe in 3rd, 4th, 5th, or 6th chances?
Heck no!

If someone messes up once to the point that you consider ending your relationship with them, and then have the audacity to do it again, then they obviously don’t know how amazing you are. They don’t appreciate you. They do it more than once and without sincerity, they will do it again.

And to those of you that continue to forgive the same mistakes over and over again.

STOP playing so desperately.

They’re never going to change. If they valued you at all, they wouldn’t put you through that. This is called getting taken advantage of.

Why would they change when they can have their metaphorical cake and eat it too?

If you’re there waiting patiently and pining for them, they’ve got you exactly where they want you.

They can do what they want and suffer no consequences.

And for the love of Pete, it doesn’t matter if you’re a guy or girl, what they say to get you to believe them, if they tell you they love you or they’re just biding their time…

If they will cheat with you, they WILL cheat on you.

END OF STORY.

If you mean as much as they say you do to them, which they will say a LOT, and if you’re what they really want,

If they bash their significant other, but refuse to leave to be with you for ANY REASON, kids, finances, whatever,

They are a CHEATER.

Now I get that it’s not all black and white and lines get blurred and people become unhappy in their relationships. That’s all fine and dandy.

But don’t be someone’s option if you’re making them a priority.

There shouldn’t be a back up plan.

If they’re continuing to string another person along, it’s because they’re wanting a plan B for when you realize what a loser you’re dating and decide to leave.

You might call me judgemental. Or arrogant. Or brash.

But it’s the truth.

What qualifies me to say these things?

A marriage that has not just survived despite MANY obstacles,

Not one, but two vindictive exes, a stepchild, a young age, less than supportive friends and family, one big mistake, a miscarriage, nursing school, financial struggles, and so much more,

A marriage that has not only survived, but has thrived even when we felt like giving up.

That’s love. That’s what it takes.

Rant over. :)

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Letters for Hunter: Life after Loss

I honestly don’t know how I survived the next month.

I had been so excited about the tiny life forming inside of myself, I had gotten a jump start on my OB and PEDs textbook, even though the semester didn’t start until May 20th. I had read the weeks in order of what my baby was going through. Tiny fingers forming, a heart beginning to beat…

After…

The hardest thing I ever had to do was pick up that textbook again.

I had to study the very thing I had just lost, read about “spontaneous abortions,” and study the development of a fertilized egg to a full-grown baby. I cried into my textbook as I begged my husband to just let me quit.

A semester off was all I needed. I promised him. 

He wouldn’t let me quit, wouldn’t give up on me, or let me give up on myself.

"Three. More. Weeks. You. Can. Do. This."

I didn’t believe him then, but I believe him now. 

I’ve been a nurse for nearly 7 months now. Losing Hunter was the hardest thing I ever endured. I thought it would kill me. There were times I wanted it to. Days I didn’t feel like living… 

I threw myself into my new career, and holding onto the hope that even though I couldn’t save my baby, his life, I could help save another. And I did just that. I spent my days learning the ins and outs of nursing. Heck, I”m still learning, but doing something, being good to someone, feeling needed, was good for me. It was a blessing to be able to get up and help someone else on the worst day of their life, hoping I might brighten it a little. 

No, every patient didn’t appreciate me and my efforts, but the ones that did… they made it all worthwhile. 

Losing Hunter was hard for me, it was humbling for me. I never thought I’d be “that girl,” the poor girl whose baby died before it even had the chance to live. But I became her, and I persevered.

I’m a better person, better wife, better stepmom, and better nurse because of it.